films I like to watch when needing a pick me up | Julie Barbour

what i got from super drug| Julie Barbour

May Mental Health Awareness Month

Hey, folks, if you're not aware already the month of May, is Mental Health Awareness.

Mental Health can be such a taboo subject and a lot of people out there suffer every single day with all different types of Mental Health disorders and issues, unfortunately, a lot feel so alienated and ashamed regarding other people's perceptions and ignorance towards having a mental health problem.

More definitely needs to be done to stop the stigma.

My own story on mental health I never thought I would be saying I suffered from one or two never mind typing about them.

I recently posted a video on my youtube channel which is Julie Barbour I don't have a customized URL link yet as need more than 100 subscribers, but if you go to search on youtube you can find my video on let's get honest.

I mention that people that have or have people they love that suffered from a mental health problem or are suffering themselves there not alone.

I have had bouts of depression on and off from the age of 16 mostly to do with my appearance and weight issues. I started having problems with my weight in primary school, I developed epilepsy the medication that was prescribed for me were steroid tablets and they made me totally bloated and pile on the weight. 

Not being into the outdoors or very active obviously I wasn't moving about and doing much about my weight gain, and I have always found comfort in food, the food was my love and my friend.

I was lucky enough to get rid of epilepsy and not carry on with it in my life but I continued to carry the weight and didn't have the best diet I ate what I was given like all kids do.

When I became a teenager well you all know how teenagers can be, there mean but kids, in general, are anyway regardless as I got picked on in primary school as well as high school.

So I used to get so low and just hide away and not socialize with people I didn't want to go out or do all the normal things that other kids were doing cause they all left me out anyway, so what did I do I took comfort in what I could which was food.

But this added to my depression as I got bigger and more unhappy with myself and my self-loathing got worse but I couldn't see a way around my situation.

But really for me, depression was the worst ever in my life a month after my mum passed away in 2003, which is understandable up until my mum passed I was on autopilot going to work every day for 35 hours a week then home quick change and over to the hospital every evening to sit with her for a bit, so naturally when she was gone the reality kicked in and bam it hit me this was it I wasn't going to see her ever again, and this was a huge blow for me and I was so low I cried a lot didn't want to do anything but didn't want to be alone.

I was knackered all the time but couldn't sleep, I ate as it made me feel some kind of comfort as this was and is my comforting method for coping.

But I took some time out and a change of environment and I managed to pull myself together.

But then in  2014, I thought oh my god what the hell is happening to me I was so scared the feelings I was having was like an outer body experience in some ways even now I don't know how to explain it if I'm honest.

I was getting loads of headaches and pain in my chest and down my left arm so naturally, I was like it must be my heart, but I was like please not me I cannot die. But I was like how can I tell anyone how I am feeling especially my dad as he would never understand and we don't have that sort of relationship we don't communicate well.

So I was terrified and kept my symptoms to myself and then eventually enough was enough I had to seek help, I went to the doctor and before I was even seen I was sobbing like I was being murdered in the waiting area so as soon as doctor came to get me she knew straight away something was seriously wrong.

I explained all my symptoms and how I had been feeling and she did EKG tests and they came back all clear I wasn't having a heart attack but I still had chest pains and left arm pain, so she thought it might be a Hiatus Hernia which it turns out it is.

It took a while for the doctor to send me for the endoscopy to tell it was the HH so Naturally, I was beside myself with worry, in between this waiting for the appointment the doctor asked me to fill out a questionnaire answering some  questions along the lines of do you feel suicidal that sort of thing I can't really remember.

So I filled that in with tears rolling down my face I was just feeling so awful much much worse than ever with the depression the doctor was so amazing with me she listened and didn't judge me,  we discussed taking something to see if it helped me as she said it seemed I was suffering from anxiety disorder, I was a bit reluctant as coped with depression without pills.

My heart beat at the time to me was racing constantly to the extent I could feel it when trying to sleep so doctor put me on beta blockers to slow my heart rate down a bit and these were helping that, but then were giving me hardly any pulse in the end and angina-like symptoms so had to stop them!.

Eventually I was put onto Fluoxetine which is a mild Prozac pill that is prescribed for many different illnesses,to start of  with these made me really sick as with a lot of anti-depressant drugs they take time to get used to I was a right state between getting used to them and feeling terrified already with the anxiety and it taking over everything in my body,mind I felt like I just wanted to die and never to feel like I this  ever again, I was starting to become a recluse I didn't want to risk leaving my home in case I had an anxious attack as who would help me, but then again I didn't want it taking hold of my life and ruining it.

I eventually got used to the pills and my symptoms of sickness calmed down and to this day I still take them and I'm so much better I still have episodes but nowhere near as bad as they were, in the beginning, thank god or I really don't know if I would be here typing this, as I just couldn't cope with how it took over my whole being.

I had CBT therapy and the woman that I saw was lovely cognitive behavioral therapy is about changing your minds thinking patterns  and showing you that what your thinking is not always what is right or going on, for example, I felt that if I got a headache I was going to freak out and panic as this was one of the many health things that seemed to trigger the panic within my body but in reality I was getting the tension in my head because I was getting anxious about a headache, so you have to learn to re- train your brain and thoughts so  that No I am fine and if I get a headache I don't need to panic about it, I have survived it before and I am in control of my thoughts. 

I did this for six weeks and it really helped me she gave me workbooks which I still have in my drawer and reading over things and putting it into context really does help, once you get yourself together enough to let yourself heal and others to help you.

For me personally, anxiety is 1000000 times worse than depression when I asked what difference was in being a little anxious like everyone can get and an anxiety disorder like doctor says I suffer with, she said the huge difference is that it takes over me for long periods of time and in an extreme way, it de stabilises me when it's at its worst. 

I have had ignorant people say to me everyone gets anxious and nervous at points in their lives and yes they do but not to the extent of some off us, people are always going to be ignorant and judge and to me that is their issue, not mine or the others of us out there that are suffering or have suffered, all I have to say to these ignorant individuals is I hope that you never ever have to suffer like the people you have judged and made feel worse about themselves and their situation.

In general you will find the folk that you can trust and love you and are there for you and understand maybe not fully as no one can not even really someone with similar issues as its so hard to describe it to someone that you feel scared or your thoughts and body are preventing you from the smallest of things, but they see you as LOOKING FINE!!! I cannot stress enough it doesn't matter if you look fine doesn't mean you are fine. 

To have a broken limb or a visible illness is more acceptable to today's society but thats not reality or always the case, so let's all take a step back and look at the world around us and try and do better in our judgment of others. 

We all judge each other unfortunately that always going to happen but we ourselves as individuals can try to do better and make a difference surely in some way no matter how small. 

I am happy to answer any questions if you have any leave them in comments bellow and am willing to listen have a good rant or a cry let it all out and never be ashamed.

have a great week and know that you're not alone please if you are suffering don't do it in silence seek help from a professional or a friend confide in someone even if someone who is a stranger sometimes that's best way and easiest. 

much love Julie XXXX

Questions you have never been asked tag | Julie Barbour

Hormones/Moods

Afternoon Folks Today I want to write about something very much an everyday part of not just my life but all our lives.

Hormones!!!! They literally are the bain of my life I swear to god. 

I'm 33 and for years I have always struggled with different emotions and irregular body temperature. It drives me nuts I cannot express how much it affects me and certain situations in my life.

I am going to be totally blunt in writing this as its life so if you don't like honesty or find this post too much then don't carry on from here x

When I was 11 I started my period and thought the world was ending, yes I had the classes at school and obviously, my mum spoke to me about periods and growing up. But still, it was that why my situation, now the age of 11 is normally around the time most girls get their period, but for my mum she never had hers till she was 17 which is pretty late.

My mum and also two of her sister went through the menopause in their 30s again which is pretty early in a woman.

I'm always saying to those that know me, oh I'm having a hot flush or man it's so cold and there like "Julie are you ever one temperature" ha.

And my answer to them all is no I'm not and it drives me to distraction. I hate being too warm there is nothing worse than being sweaty and uncomfortable, everyday especially when the weather is warmer I have to change my clothes particularly my underwear and its embarrassing for me. Even going shopping, for example, it might not be a warm day but my god do I suffer, it's a mix I think of hormones and my nerves, even if I don't feel nervous I seem to get all hot and bothered. 

In my work bag, I have a spare pair of pants in my bag all the time I just have to and hopefully, I don't need to use them, I'm not saying I wet myself hahaha as I don't and I never smell of sweat but I do get hot and bothered and yes since we being blunt my underwear gets soaking with the heat and I hate it so so much.

Does anyone else suffer from these symptoms especially out there that is in the 30s or even younger?? Please say it's not just me.

The main reason I wanted to write this today I cause this week has been a nightmare for me but I have gotten good at hiding it.

I have so much to look forward to and reasons to be happy, but this week I just don't and that is mostly down to my mood which yes if affected by the anxiety disorder, but all so I am due my period!. 

My hair is limp and lifeless and it just annoys me, standard hormonal problems, I am knackered all time with no motivation I don't want to do anything, I have always hated the way I look not just that I'm overweight which is my own doing and yes before people start slagging me I know that only person that can lose the weight is me. 

I eat my emotions I always have if I feel down about the way I look, Julie, your fat you are ugly what do I do I turn to food that is my comfort.

I think about food all the damned time it's and addiction I have always had. 

I realize that with that time of the month do you get more irrational and irritated but oh my mine can be so extreme and defiantly gets worse with age, my actual period isn't bad it's all the other symptoms that go along with it. 

Literally one min I was to cry my heart out and stay in bed forever, next I am giggling away then I have to do something and I get anger.

Now I haven spoken to the doctor and she did tell me that you can suffer from 10 years pre-menopausal symptoms thanks very much for that haha.

So if you were not aware of this then it can happen. 

So really the reason for this post is it do you ever have a time in your life when you know there are so many reasons for you to be happy but your just far from it, so that makes you feel even worse but how do you get your head around it and get motivated!!. 

I also used to be on the contraceptive pill off a good few year ro regulate my period and make them less painful as a lot of woman do, but I no longer take them at all, I am not keen on the coil or implant so I get a non hormonal pill from the doctor that helps with the pain and flow I highly recommend trying this method than being on the pill if you can.

I hope this isnt a bad post and you get something from it im totally hormoanl writing this so itmight not even make sense haha but thats real life. 

Have a fantatic saturday whatever your upto x 

please like and follow my blog and like and subscribe to my you tube channel julie barbour.

have a good evening xx

May Latest In Beauty Box | Julie Barbour

INSPERATION

Evening everyone I have decided that since I am feeling inspired let's  write about it in a post.

What makes me inspired:

1. Finding my partner it has shown me that there is someone out there for me, until this moment and for the past 9 months I never dreamt that I would find love.

2. Friendship I have the most loving and loyal friend, in fact, she is more than just a friend she is family and the sister I biologically never had. loyal, kind, huge heart and no matter when or where we are the support that Emily Mollan shows me and has shown me will always be appreciated. 

3. Joan Barbour my mother now what a woman she was/ is an inspiration. Fantastic mother, sister, aunt, a friend a good whole hearted woman and all-rounder.   She would do anything for anyone so incredibly selfless. A happy soul who was very much loved by everyone, my soul mate till we meet again. 

4. The kindness of strangers, I have more recently discovered this especially through blogging and social media, it really doesn't take much to be kind to others and its so refreshing to have come across decent people in this world as there few are far between indeed.

5. people:

Bruce Kane- My partner he is one of a kind a loving decent human, huge heart, laid back cheerful soul, he makes me feel amazing in every way which is very rare to find, his morals and ethics are brilliant, he should win an award for the best father and son, boyfriend award I seriously am so proud to call him my man. 

Carmine Colajezzi- my Italian friend he inspires me a lot as he is so motivated, driven and goes for what he wants, I admire that in him and wish I could be more like that he has a plan and he goes with it, In a sense, he has the I don't give a crap attitude to a certain extent and just goes for what he wants to make him happy. 

Annice Macleod- I have never met anyone as interesting as Annice she is amazing to chat to there is never a dull moment she is so uplifting and makes you feel good about yourself a warm and loving person with such wisdom. A very multi-talented woman with a kind soul and spirit.

John Urquhart - where do I start John is the sweetest most inspiring man I have ever had the pleasure of meeting, not only does he have a huge heart but the biggest smile, John is a gift sent from above there is no doubt in my mind and heart that John is a huge part of a lot of people lives.  His wife and kids are so lucky I would love to adopt him as my dad ha. If I ever get married one day I would love for him to conduct the service I couldn't think of a nicer person to do it.

Rhona Mackay - my little buddy Rhona she inspires me as she grabs life by the balls and goes for it, always happy smiling away and laughing, my little sesh monster. Now she is a fantastic yummy mummy and doing a fantastic job, her little lad is one lucky boy you have the best fun loving mum in the world. 

6. Macmillian Cancer Nurses.

When my mum was ill with cancer the work and support of the Macmillan cancer nurses were overwhelmingly good,  they do such a fantastic job and are inspirational individuals without a doubt it's going to be a tough job getting close to the person and their family. I have the utmost respect for the work they do and their charity.

7. Beautiful things.

clouds they make me feel so happy and at peace.

bees buzzing about happy.

Tulips 

Sunsets/ sun rises.

Laughter.

Smiling

Making someone laugh/smile these are all things that are inspiring.

8. Happiness this is one thing that I have struggled with throughout my life and I'm sure we all do at times but with having an anxiety disorder and also losing my mum it has shown me that you have to live your life to the best that you can and life is what you make it. so cherish your happy moments and not the bad ones.

8. photos.

Taking picture no matter how bad they maybe are inspirational as your creating memories of different times along the path of your life, with every picture you take no matter what it is it can make the world of difference to look back and reflect on those times, events, or reasons for why you took such a photo.

9. reading. 

Getting absorbed in a book its fantastic escapism, there are some fantastic writers out there and reading makes me feel good.

10. Laughing/Laughter.

Its the most amazing thing its true what they say laughter is the best medicine and it is I love laughing and making people happy or laugh is a joy and being around happy funny pleasant people inspire me to be more jovial.

Well, folks, I hope you enjoyed this post and you have found some inspiration.

I would be so interested to hear what inspire you all so please do share your thoughts in the comments section below the post. and don't forget to follow me for more posts have a great evening.

also, check out my youtube channel Julie Barbour and subscribe many thanks XXXX